Saturday, April 07, 2007

forgive and forget

It's strange... I just finished an entry in my German blog about how my ex might be showing up at church tomorrow and how I am so not happy with this. After all, this is my terrain now and he chose to stay away from it and us for over three years and I can not say that I have been unhappy with that!

But after writing the entry, I had this weird feeling in my heart and clear message in my head: FORGIVE HIM AND MOVE ON!

How the heck shall I forgive the man that broke my heart so severly? How shall I ever forgive him for causing me to be mistrusting and cautious when it comes to men? How shall I forgive the man who tore my life apart and made me rearrange it anew? How shall I forgive him for destroying my little family and causing my daughter so much heartache and tears? How shall I forgive him for those tearful, sleepless nights full of nightmares and worries? And how for not being able to make ends meet when he is driving a convertible - after telling me that he got not enough money to live on if he gives me the spousal support that my attorney said he has to?

How in the world does a woman forgive such a man when every time she sees him, her hearts gets broken again 'cause she feels that she still loves him abundantly? How, I wonder...

But something inside of me knows that until I forgive him, I won't be able to move on, find another love and be happy again. And I so want to be happy again, I really do. It just hurts so much to let go... I somehow want to forgive him, especially with the knowledge that he doesn't even think of me and what he did to us anymore. He has moved on, started his new life right the minute he moved out..., so why can't I?
What's the use of being mad and angry at someone, who doesn't even give a chicken poop whether I hate him and want to hurt him or not? He certainly doesn't care...

If only I could find it in my heart to forgive him and let go... Maybe that's something I should seriously pray about. After all, didn't God say that he'd help us with those kind of things? Maybe it's about time I put some trust and faith in him and give it a try! After all, what do I have to lose? Actually, from my perspective I can only win: I get rid off the anger in my heart and may find new love in return! Hmmm, not a bad deal, if you ask me!


At Saturday, April 07, 2007 12:50:00 PM, Blogger Toronto21 said...

Well, it seems to be a challenge for some people to forgive. I mean, I have been hurt, too several times. But I can honestly say, I have forgiven them all. I have no hard fellings anymore. I even could look them in the eyes. Because in some way I was hurting myself in letting them hurt me. It takes alway 2 for tango.

And another strange thing is, I´m not a big beliver in God. Not in the sence of how the church wants me to be a beliver. I belive in God, but I couldn`t explain how. At least not in English. But the strange thing is, I as a non beliver in the classical sence has forgiven them all and you as a strong beliver haven`t. In some way, I think, this is strange, don`t you think?

So, to come to the point. Yes, you should forgive him. You can`t loose, you can only win. Trust me. And by the way. Tomorrow is a god day to begin with.


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